I have seen so many of you over the years jump up and white knight/mansplain a womens reproductive rights. I’ve had you try to get into my pants with the whole “I respect your body” “real men are feminists” BS. Every way you can think of, I’ve had you around me charge in on your my little pony and try and defend a woman’s rights, point out how much space you’re taking up to me in a conversation I didn’t invite you into, and try to incorrectly explain to me how my vagina works because you some how managed to give a woman an orgasm that one time in college. You show me the long list of books you are reading, pictures of you at protests and rallies, and your wicked cool feminist T-Shirt you wear with your skinny jeans and infinity scarf.
I am happy some of you are trying to help and over the next 4 years we will need the strength to keep standing. So thank you for that. I just, I have a few things. Just a few things I need to say and/or point out.
1) You can’t be transphobic/homophobic/ racist/ableist and be a feminist. ALL WOMEN. Not a small select few you find sexually attractive or worth fighting for. ALL.WOMEN. Regardless of race, religion, genitalia, gender, sexual orientation, ablility, age, etc. It’s all or none. We are having a hard enough time getting other women to understand this. So if you would just quickly jump on board with that concept and spread the word, that would be great. -sips coffee-
2) Recognize the space you take up and your privilege. You may not act on it or take advantage of it in ways you notice, but our entire society is based around your needs, wants, pleasures, and comforts. It has changed so much over the years and I recognize that we “have it better” than some other parts of the world (at least white cis women do), but our societies focus is on masculinity. If you take the time, daily, to observe this in action, believe me, you will be hella surprised.
3) Don’t use feminism as a way of getting out of child support. I understand the system is flawed in many ways and that sucks. It does. But your kids can’t live off your coffee house feminist rants, unless you’re getting paid and paying support. Fight the system to make changes without punishing your kids. This also applies to birth control. Women taking charge of their reproduction so awesome and you should support it. Just don’t forget it’s your responsibility and offering money in a pinch doesn’t count as supporting their rights. Own your reproductive responsibilities while also supporting your partners.
3) You know what I haven’t seen or heard yet? Men volunteering to face jail time if their partner gets an abortion. I haven’t seen it yet, although I’m not denying it’s out there somewhere. Law makers all over the country are discussing women facing legal charges for seeking abortions. I haven’t seen y’all pull a Katnis and stepping up to go jail too for having involment in said “murder”. It’s funny how it takes two to tango till the music speeds up, and then we are left dancing alone with republicans chasing us with hot pokers and pitch forks. You’re still steps ahead of the “pro-life” hypothetical men waving the pitch forks and hot pokers during the day and getting women pregnant at night.
4) And this one is a pet peeve, but it’s also a serious issue I see y’all doing. STOP pinning women against each other. Women are guilty of this from time to time. I do it and I feel no shame in admitting it. Society has ingrained in me the need to be better than my female neighbor for y’all’s attention. Even women how don’t date men still pin themselves against other women. It’s ridiculous! Y’all need to stop doing it too. It’s not just a female problem. It’s not just something we need to do. Y’all need to work on it too. Even more so than us. Especially when it comes to feminism! I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a man jump into an argument yelling at a woman for not doing enough for women. First, stop comparing women to each other and defining what makes a “real woman”. Second, we will handle that argument, bro. We got it. Don’t jump in to white knight or manspalin. We are fully capable of throwing women’s history around on our own.
5) While some of you are white knighting and mansplaing, I notice you’re throwing in men’s rights in there. Now, before you get pissed at me and get defensive, let me break down my point. There are 100% legit concerns and social norms surrounding men that need to be addressed!! I’m not disputing that and no feminist should dispute that! Women’s rights are human rights. We cannot ignore the rights of all genders while fighting for our own. And the reason I say that is because I personally believe that the aspects of other genders that are under attack are those that are feminine. Feminie features, habits, feelings, roles, etc. are seen as this plague within society. If a man, or another gender, takes on those qualities, qualities I believe are needed and natural in order to maintain balance, then they are seen as weak, wrong, or cause confusion. Man shows emotions then he is weak, like a woman, or considered “gay” because only gay men show feminine qualities… right? Within our society, women are seen as infurior in SO many ways and the second anyone shows feminine qualities they throw off the constructs people assume should be there and it makes them uncomfortable. Within our society, one of the highest compliments I hear a man give a woman he admires is that she has balls or we are viewed as bitches when we show to much maculity. So, by all means, men’s rights are 100% valid and important! No one should dispute that. Ever. What I am saying, is that you cannot change the way society treats men till you change how society views women and feminity.
I’m not discounting men involved in feminism. It’s important and necessary. And I know, I know, before someone else says it -clears throat- NOT ALL MEN! We know… it’s just this isn’t some little hipster fad you can stick your toes into. It’s our life. It has been our fight for way too long and we will continue to have to fight for generations to come. So join our fight or get out of our way. We have too much at risk, globally, to hold your hand through it or sit to listen to your mansplainging BS.
(I am speaking in general terms. Not singularly addressing the issues when it comes to POC or GNC/Transgender individuals because I don’t have the experience to write on that topic within this context. This is what I have seen as cis white female. When using male/female I am referring to those who identify as those genders and I don’t mean to exclude other genders)
Dear Diary. Send Help. 